Steampunks : Shoveling Clean Coal for a Better "Tomorrow"

BEFORE THE age of homogenization and micro-machinery, before the tyrannous efficiency of internal combustion and the domestication of electricity, lived beautiful, monstrous machines that lived and breathed and exploded unexpectedly at inconvenient moments. It was a time where art and craft were united, where unique wonders were invented and forgotten, and punks roamed the streets, living in squats and fighting against despotic governance through wit, will and wile.

Even if we had to make it all up.


And thus begins the introduction to Steampunk - the genre, the lifestyle, the subculture, and dare I say it? The brand?

Here comes Steampunk and the neo-renaissance wanna-bees dressed like Grandpa Potts from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang all assuming this hilarious posturing of modern, 19th century characters from an H.G Wells novel.



Steampunks like to embrace an alternate history - I call it the Futuristic Past - whereby they envision a world that was once all dark and brassy and filled with pipes carrying pressurized steam to run everything from their wristwatches to the analog computer systems which powered their space-age blimps around. And, it seems, they like wearing old-school, gas-welding goggles and scarves and such to get the full effect.



Whole websites are dedicated to the accouterments that Steampunks surround themselves with. Things like pseudo Victorian furniture and patterns. Analog-looking anything (including ripping apart modern computers and re-manufacturing them into a laughable Edwardian dandy meets the Industrial Revolution contraption THAT STILL WORKS!) are highly prized. (See above.)

Steampunks love their anachronism.

Steampunk, as a literary or theatrical genre, has been around for quite awhile. But it took the Internet (of course) to promulgate the goofy subculture of ding dongs who actually live a derivative lifestyle based upon these works of fantasy fiction.



The above photo illustrates what is, evidently, some kind of Steampunk bluetooth thing.

What we are shown, and what the steampunk media projects, is a hilarious romp through junk yard cheese and the utter buffoonery that now comprises Steampunk as a modern phenomena.

What we are left with are ridiculous computer mods, a fashion trend that causes uncontrollable giggling, a spate of crappy movies (I.e. The Golden Compass, et.al.), and ultimately, shit like this:



which looks to be some coat hangar wire fashioned around an old Timex.

Once the imaginative and romantic realm of Jules Vern, Mary Shelly, and yes, even William Gibson, has now been co-opted by the dweebs that brought us "industrial" fashion (also known as "cybergoth"), who then got all sappy about the Futuristic Past, and turned into a simple one-liner, complete with Victorian-inspired petticoats, bedazzled with fakey rivets and looking like the extras from Enter The Matrix. Stupid.